tibet november 19th - 23rd until we meet again.

it is so devastatingly sad to be leaving this place. on the drive to the airport i weep. there is something here, something we both feel deeply, something we are heartbroken to leave. the landscape around us is breathtaking, unreal. we pass villages, people, a world unlike any other i have seen. i hadn't realized quite how much this part of our travels was really the place i was waiting to be, our journey through tibet on to nepal, but it is painfully obvious to me right now, as we aren't going to be able to do it. and i am deeply sad that we will not be sharing this journey with mirjam and rick. i felt that this experience was one we wanted to have with them, that we had found really great travel partners with whom we could share this unforgettable experience, that we would all be altered by it together. and there is fear, a fear that we won't make it back here, a fear that even tibet is changing so rapidly that if we do come back, it won't be the same, that something will be lost, but i guess that fear is also something inside of me, something i am afraid of losing, but it is far outweighed by the reason we are leaving.



coming here has made a deep impression, and although our time was short, it was no less epic. our departure from chengdu, the anticipation and excitement shared by our travel partners, mirjam and rick as we wait to catch our train. settling in to our berth, i think we are all in disbelief that we are here, that it all came together and we are on our way to tibet. the 45 hour train ride from chengdu to lhasa, across the tibetan plateau. a sleepless first night, i listen to music to try and relax and stare out the window watching the landscape appear as the sun rises. an intense journey, at some point, it becomes a seemingly endless journey through a stunning landscape i was too sick to enjoy by our final day, and too worried (and motion sick) to enjoy as much as i normally would have before that, my general lack of photos on this journey will be a testament to that. what i thought at the time was altitude sickness, but what i now believe was mostly motion sickness being exasperated by the high altitude and the stress and effects that has on the body. i spent the better part of that last day on oxygen, but my worry about altitude sickness from the rapid ascent struck stephen, and his final day on the train and first night in lhasa were worrisome and debilitating. he began throwing up our final morning on the train, and after a couple of times, with him feeling sick, i seek out help. there is a doctor on the train, she checks stephen's oxygen levels, is concerned by what she sees, and tells him to use the oxygen for the rest of the journey to lhasa. upon our arrival in lhasa, the fresh air feels good at first, but stephen's condition deteriorates pretty rapidly that night. it is so difficult to watch him being so sick, and i am afraid, afraid of how serious this could be, of his not seeming to recover. but after our long ride and night in lhasa, we wake to take him to see a doctor here, and once that is set in motion, we are both calm, and all things considered, have a nice day. stephen hasn't been able to keep food down, and later even water down, for 24 hours now, and upon waking, on an empty stomach void of food or water manages to continue throwing up. our guide tells us how to get to the nearest hospital, and after he leaves to take mirjam and rick around for the day, we make a call to our travel insurance before trying to find our way there. we ask downstairs at the hostel, and once the man we are speaking to realizes our guide is not around, he walks us blocks to the hospital, around the grounds trying to find where we need to be, to admitting, helps us with that process, takes us to the waiting area, makes sure the doctor we will be seeing can speak english, before going back to work! we wait our turn, and are surrounded by local people doing the same. even in this setting, these people are beautiful, and the smiles i offer to the many who are surprised to see me there are all returned. stephen sees the doctor, has an eye test, comes back to the doctor, is prescribed medicine for his headaches and vomiting, then sent to emergency to spend two hours on an iv to replenish his fluids and oxygen to raise his oxygen levels. i sit in the sun by his bed, watch him rest and keep him company until the nurses return two hours later to realize the iv hasn't been running. they start it, walk away, two more hours go by. stephen's eyes are brighter now, and once he tells them he feels a bit better, they tell him to go eat, drink fluids and rest.



we walk back in the crisp air, under the dazzling blue sky that seems a part of lhasa, to our hostel, but stephen's headache is already returning. he takes some of his medicine, then we go upstairs to get him some food. mirjam and rick join us, and stephen manages to eat a bit of soup and some french fries before becoming so exhausted he can't keep awake. we say goodnight and head to our room, stephen falls asleep by 8:30 after taking another dose of medicine which i find out later is no longer helping. i can't sleep at all, and lie awake worrying, and still not feeling 100% myself. stephen wakes around 11:30 with a headache, and we spend the better part of the rest of the night awake tossing and turning. around 4am with no relief from his headache, stephen makes the decision to leave as soon as we can. we tell rick and mirjam at breakfast, make the arrangements, and get a flight later that afternoon. we don't get to say a proper goodbye to rick and mirjam, our parting is sudden, and our departure feels the same. i haven't gotten the chance to know anyone here, to get a sense of the city, but our brief encounters with our guide, the driver, the hospital workers, the hostel staff have left their impression. i hope mirjam and rick have a fantastic journey, and that one day sooner then later we will hear all about it, maybe even in person. thank you for your help while we weren't well, your understanding and concern. safe travels.

and now we are leaving, and the weight of it hits me. the day is sunny and beautiful, the air crisp and cold. we are being driven to the airport by dawa, it is a one hour drive. and this is where my story began, with a sadness that overwhelms me. were we too hasty? will we be back here? will it be a different place? who can say? all i know is that it was a part of a process, a journey, and that it left it's mark. maybe we weren't ready just yet, maybe it was not our time for this. we are back in chengdu for the moment, and stephen has recovered, for now, that is what matters. it has been an emotional few days, and we have been altered by this, it is all part of our experience, part of our growth. it offers perspective on how fortunate we are to be able to travel in the first place. i am proud of stephen for taking his condition seriously and making the difficult choice to leave, for recognizing his limits, and taking measures against becoming more seriously ill. for now tibet will have to wait. you are deep inside of me, maybe one day we will meet again.